Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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