fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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