This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
