My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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