Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
