I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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