I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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