he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize