So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
