if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Life is so much better after having sex.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
