I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
