Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize