Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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