Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also, beer. Big fan.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
