The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
