you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize