She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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