Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
