We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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