I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
