My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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