It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
