I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
