I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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