he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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