Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
