All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize