I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
