walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
