shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
