I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
