But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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