We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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