im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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