What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
