i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
