it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
