Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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