DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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