Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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