I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
