don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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