So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize