my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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