I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
