If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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