I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
