I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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