I want to walk on stilts...naked
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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