Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize