Can i not drive my cunt home
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
