Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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