please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
