there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
