did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
