Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
