can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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