i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
