Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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