Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
