Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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