even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize