I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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