You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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