If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
