How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
