Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.

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(303): View more from Colorado

then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins

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(323): View more from California

Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.

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(518): View more from New York

for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt

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(636): View more from Missouri

I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public

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(323): View more from California

I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning

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(480): View more from Arizona

... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?

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(214): View more from Texas

I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...

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(518): View more from New York

He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.

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