gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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