the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
