I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
