there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
