wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
