He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize