I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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