I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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