You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
