After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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