I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
