I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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