Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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