I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
