he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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