lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
