dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize