she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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