I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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