I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize