you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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