Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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