This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize